The Woman in Rainbow Panties
Some never change. Never. I hate it but its true that some of my friends are still the annoying self that they used to be. First thing that most of them ask me when i talk to them offlate is not how I do, not why i called up...all they seem to care is " Whens the no-pants day?" I sometime regret the fact that I told them the story.
To them thats the only thing they'd remember about my grad school. Some still doubt its authenticity though. I'd call them losers. Not their fault I say, considering my long standing history to consistently make up stories with exaggerated lies. 'No pants day' is different in that its true and leaves no scope for exaggeration. To someone who missed watching baywatch in school (coz parents thought its unwise to take cable television when son is doing 12th) the 'no pants day' was already too much to take. But if you were the lucky ones who got to enjoy them this might seem stupid and foolish like all other posts.
Spring brings change. Tired of walking in when others in the lab prepare to leave I decided things need to change. With the help of the 3 alarms that got my disturbed roomie screaming I wake up at 6AM, the fourth time probably in 23 summers. None of the earlier ones left any memorable memories. None the less they were special.
This time I seem to have instant success though. As I entered the lab one of my lab mate almost chokes to death seeing me at work this early. They knew things were not for good. I get something started in lab and decide to get a cup of coffee, as I imagine people who go to work early do. At the Commons getting coffee, I decide to go over the days news before they become stale. So I grab a chair to settle down with paper and coffee. Getting up so early I was already feeling dizzy but the excitement of achieving something so impossible did make me feel proud.
Something was bound to happen I suppose. I, the early riser, 'proudly' lowered the paper to grab my coffee and I see something that almost had me faint. A girl walked past bottomless...i mean wearing just the bare minimum. Not a bad dream, I thought. Probably getting up too early did not help. I sipped the coffee and there she was again -with rainbow colored panties. It wasnt a dream. I blamed it on yesterday's Smirnoff, then put it down to hormones and settled on caffeine. Its the coffee. This cant be it. I look around and there they were half a dozen guys who had the same coffee. They were all seeing it. Another sip and she was gone !
It was weird. Nothing made sense. Shocked but delighted I return to the lab. Not sure if it was true I chose to keep it to myself. Its a tough story to sell anyway especially when one is uncertain himself.
As I was recovering from this naked reality, one of my friends who visits my lab quite religiously to say 'hi' makes her routine appearance. Being someone who always talks to me in tamil I was shocked when started off in deep victorian accent.
"Did you know, there are girls walking around in panties and you are sitting here spinning down bacteria. Its no pants day ! You should go out and check them. You'll like it".
And for once I have everyone in my lab noticing me - and I become famous as "the one who likes to go around checking out girls in panties". Yo ass is grassed - Mr. Proud Early Riser ! Had I known she was going to drop the bomb that would wipe away any trace of respect I had managed to build up , I would have let those alarms ring in vain. It was already beyond damage control so I dusted myself off and limped away as fast as I could with as much dignity I could save under these circumstances.
Proctoring gave me a reason to stay away from lab till the embarrassment wore down. I sped to the lecture hall where the undergrads were taking their exam on animal physiology lab. Being a teaching assistant I was asked him help conduct the exam. Part of my job was to seat the kids so that the smart-ones dont copy. Standing at the entrance directing each one where to sit as they enter, I turn back to help the next person and there she was again - ' the woman in rainbow panties ' . She is every where I go - from commons to the exam hall ! God damn !!! Its not the coffee. Its No-pants day for real !!! I breathed so hard in disbelief that I almost burst a blood vessel. If I were to believe my friend there are more of these celebrities walking around wearing rainbow panties. Obviously a huge amount of planning must be going into this event. To walk around like that for 6 hours, uncaught by the campus cops... mere luck wont suffice. Who knows, maybe the cops don't mind it or maybe this is a part of a noble tradition which I am not aware of.
Whatever, I learnt on that day that getting up early is definitely rewarding. You see what dreams deny you. To some of my friends the woman in the rainbow panties is the sole reminder that I did go to grad school. To them who wont change, I will continue to live under its shadow, as I look forward to the next no pants day. This time I wont be shocked though.
